“Uncle Doug,” said Imogene,
“I think that it would be quite keen
To take a stroll around the block—
But,” she exclaimed, “You have no socks!”
“Don’t you think that rather bold?
And won’t your ankles get quite cold?
And what will all the people say
If you should stroll outside that way?”
“Imogene,” her uncle said,
“You needn’t worry your dear head.
For I do carry socks, you’ll note,
Right in the pocket of my coat.”
“White socks,
Blue socks,
Maybe one or two socks,
And who cares what the people say?
I like to carry socks this way.”
Cried Imogene, a little shocked,
“You must’t go without your socks!
You’ll surely freeze off all your toes
If you go out with feet exposed!
And what will all the people say
If you should catch your death that way?”
“Imogene,” her uncle smiled,
“Don’t get in a tizzy, child!
Laughing, he gave her a kiss,
And said “It’s fun to act like this!”
And very useful, I should say,
To carry round your socks that way!”
“What if, as we stroll, you get
The urge to do a tumble-set?
And what if, as you whirl about,
All your money should fall out?
And what if all your coins should roll
Straight down into a gopher hole?
If all your coins should disappear,
What would you do then, my dear?
No more candy, no more treats,
Because all your socks were on your feet!”
“But if you carried socks like mine,
Then all your money would be fine!
Not a penny would fall down,
Because you carried socks around!
Stuffed in the pocket of your coat—
It’s very useful, you will note!”
“What if as we stroll you hear
A horrid voice right in your ear?
And what if as you turn with dread
You see that it’s your Cousin Fred?
And what if, in a tone quite mean,
Fred cries out ‘Oh, Imogene!
I see you with that strange old goat
Who carries socks stuffed in his coat!’
Whatever would you think to say
If Fred should carry on that way?”
“But if you carried socks with you,
Then you would know just what to do,
You’d grab some socks, and drawing near
You’d let him have it in the ear!
That horrid boy would run away
If you hit him with a sock today!”
“Woolen socks
So thick and red
Are best to toss at Cousin Fred.
It’s smart to carry socks this way,
So who cares what the people say?”
Said Imogene, by now quite vexed,
“Oh Uncle, what will you say next?
It’s not polite to ever throw
Socks at anyone, you know!
And what would all the people say
If you should throw your socks that way?”
“Imogene,” said he, “My Love,”
It’s YOU that I am thinking of.
To keep you safe, so you can grow,
Socks are the best things that I know!
And if they keep you safe and sound,
Then you should carry some around.”
“What if, as we stroll, you spy
An elephant approaching nigh?
And what if you should turn and say,
‘I think we’d best not block his way!’
And what if with a mighty bound
He leaped and wrapped his trunk around—
Your legs?
Whatever would you, could you, do
If an elephant got hold of you?”
“Well, if you carried socks like me,
There would be a way to set you free.
You could pull out a stocking hose
And let it dangle from your nose.
He’d think you had a trunk, you see,
So then—
Why then he’d set you free!”
“Silk socks,
Long and gray,
Best for keeping beasts away.
And if the beasts are fooled by you,
Who cares what other people do?
For my sake, Imogene, my dear,
To keep your Uncle safe from fear—
Oh, Imogene, I’m on my knees,
Won’t you carry your socks—Please?”
“Uncle Doug,” said Imogene,
“You’re the silliest Uncle I’ve ever seen!”
Then turning, with a little grin
Took off her socks and said,
“You win!
I’ll carry my socks just like you
And we won’t care what people do!
We’ll stroll along our merry way,
And laugh at what they have to say.
“And if,” she said, “We get the chance,
If, as we stroll, by happenstance
We come across my Cousin Fred—
We’ll toss just one sock at his head!”